Edd: "Karyn, don't you think the lemon in these cakes is really bitter?"
Karyn: "Actually, I think it's really sweet."
Together, they looked down into the arena, just in time to see Gregor Clegane's head drop to the ground at the feet of his brother, Sandor. Syrio Forel cheered as he turned to hug Benjen stark, who gave Dany a sly wink as he returned Euron's embrace. Sandor Clegane gave a grunt, raised his hands to his neck and started pulling at his skin. Within moments Sandor Clegane was gone, and Lord Bolton stood before the stunned crowd.
"I'm back!"
Moon boy started singing "I knew it! I knew it!" Roose turned, and looked hungrily at Moon Boy with his silvery grey eyes. "And who is this?"
"MoonBoy, for all I know!" The muffled cry came from amidst the heaving mass of human flesh next to the throne. Roose advanced on Moonboy, and before anyone could say Bolt-On, his jaws were around Moonboy's neck, blood spurting in every direction.
Skhahaz Lol Mein Romaq regarded him with disgust, and returned to his conversation with Littlefinger, who was entwined with his wife, Melisandre.
Dany turned to her other husband and asked 'Have you seen Reek anywhere, my love?' Tyrion could only manage a muffled groan in reply, as his left leg was now the only thing visible amongst all the whores. Dany sighed, and turned back to her dear Jon Connington, who was devouring a donut. But this was no ordinary donut. The crisp icing was glistening in the morning sun like fresh snow, covered in a fine layer of the purest glazing Dany had ever seen. But before she could fully appreciate the wonders of Jon's Krispy Kreme, she was interrupted.
"Mayhaps, my Majesty"
Dany turned and sighed, as UnFrey hobbled up the stairs. Dany gave him the sternest eyebrow frown she could manage, which was more than enough to send the zombiefied remains of Lord Walder squealing back into the dungeons.
Across the room, cries of "Aunty Dany, Aunty Dany" could be heard. Ruling is such a pain in the ass, I should have stayed with my lemon Tree, thought Dany. She looked towards the source of the whining, to find Brandon in an argument with Rickon, who apparently would not let him ride his unicorn. Dany noted how little puberty had favoured Bran, whose pimples were worse than ever now. The tree root growing out of his ear didnt help either.
Sansa had begun to cry from the now large pool of blood around Lord Bolton's feet. However, she was quickly muffled as she shoved another lemon cake into her mouth. Magister Illyrio sat beside her, trying to comprehend how anyone could be more obese than himself, as Sansa devoured another 2 lemon cakes.
Dany walked over to the tangle of human flesh and pulled out her darling Tyrion, who grumbled something about finding where the whores went. She pointed at Belerion in the corner. Tyrion sighed, nodded, and waddled his way over to his dragon, his silver hair glistening in the morning sun. He mounted his dragon, who promptly threw Tyrion off his back and took off.
By now, Daario had stopped hugging himself, was having a barking argument with GhostJon over a piece of roasted turnip. The High Sparrow, known as Seedy Reedy tried to intervene, but was suddenly distracted as he noticed some fried frogs legs on the table nearby. The argument escalated, and Daario now had his hands around GhostJon's furry neck. Seedy McReedy, having finished his toads legs, grabbed Daario's hands, separating the man and wolf.
"Jesus Christ Syrio, your hands are bloody cold!" He remarked. The Dusky woman looked back at him coldly.
Suddenly, the large double doors to the throne room were flung open, and a dozen heavily armed men charged into the room, led by a woman holding two axes. She approached Dany, and proclaimed "I am here for my Nuncle!"
"What the fuck is a Nuncle?" replied Dany.
"I am your Nuncle, Yara" said the man with Damp Hair who until now had been residing in the corner of the room. He approached the woman, his hair dripping with water.
"My name is Asha, and why is your hair damp Nuncle?"
"Tell her, Damphair" replied the man with damp hair.
Another man stepped forward from the shadows, however his hair was completely dry. "Your Nuncle and I had an argument. All your Naunts and Nuncles were trying get your Nuncle here to cut his hair, but Nuncle here decides to be different to all his Naunts and Nuncles, so some of your other Nuncles and I tried to it ourselves. Also, I swear your name was Yara. Are you sure its Asha?"
"Well some people just started calling me Yara, so I thought I had been pronouncing it wrong all my life. Fair enough Nuncle. Tell my Naunts and Nuncles I say I'll have none of this nunnery or mayhaps I will have to cut all their hair. Farewell Damphair and Nuncle with damp hair"
And with that, the woman left.
"Seven hells..." someone murmured.
Dany suddenly remembered why she had gathered everyone in the first place. She cleared her throat. "I have an announcement to make" she said, making sure to emphasise each word with her eyebrows. Everybody was instantly entranced by them. "I was made aware that Azor Ahai, the Prince that was Promised, is in fact, in this very room right now. I will count to three, and I want him to come forward and mount a stallion or something, I forget the prophecy." She looked over at Quiathe, who nodded.
"One"
"Two"
"Three"
Everybody in the room stood at once. Following a moment of awkward silence, argument erupted. The musicians spontaneously began to play "Rains of Castermere". Someone shouted "Wrong song idiots!". Stannis was brandishing his glowing sword, whilst Jamie was waving about his shiny hand. "I have a prophecy completion rate of 100%" yelled Jamie, whilst Stannis covered his ears and shouted 'Blablablabla'.
In amongst the chaos, Littlefinger and Melisandre were helping themselves to some pie. "I made the whole thing up!" giggled Melisandre. Littlefinger, not hearing correctly, replied "Yes, I do love redheads, why do you think I left Sansa for you!".
Dany decided to return to her chambers, where she found her demon ice lord baby being tended by her brother, Mance. "He looks like he really enjoyed his trip to the family chalet this winter didn't he?" Mance asked her as she entered. "Be sure to keep him out of the moonlight, Rhaegar", Dany replied, and walked over to the window, to survey her kingdom.
The first thing that caught her eye was a solitary row boat, slowly making its way into the harbour. She squinted, and could have sworn she saw a young Robert Baratheon. Too much Dornish Red, she thought. Or too little, mayhaps.
The millions of stony sculptures that were her subjects did as they always did, stand still as stone, because they were stone. In the distance some Grumpkins and Snarks were playing happily amongst the chest high grass that was slowly covering Westeros.
The end.